David’s Response to Grief
King David is arguably one of the most important and influential men in the Bible. He was called the man after God’s own heart, no because he lived a perfect life (honestly he was far from perfect), but because he lived a life of faith and sensitivity to God. However, this does not mean that David’s life was easy. David had many struggles. He was hunted by King Saul. He suffered many losses, including some of his children and his closest friends.
In this post, I want to specifically focus on the account of David’s loss of his son found in 2 Samuel 12:14-23. As a consequence for David’s affair with Bathsheba, the son born from her was to die. David was distraught when the child became sick. 2 Samuel 12:16-17 says, “David therefore sought God on behalf of the child. And David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. And the elders of his house stood beside him, to raise him from the ground, but he would not, nor did he eat food with them.” For seven days, David pleaded with God for the child’s life. He refused to eat, he would not get up to do anything but pray for God to spare his son. Does this sound familiar? If your loved one was sick for any length of time, how earnestly did you beg for God to spare their life?
After seven days, the child died. David’s servants were afraid to tell him for they feared he might harm himself. When my husband died, my family directly asked me if I had thoughts of suicide. Fortunately, I did not, but I could understand why some might. (As a side note, if you do have any thoughts of harm to yourself, you need to reach out to trained professionals and get the help you need.) To the servants’ surprise, David had a much different reaction to the news of his son’s death. Instead of despair, David chose to live. He got up off the ground, took a bath, and got dressed. David took time to worship God, choosing to focus on the goodness of God rather than his own pain. Then David went home and had his first meal in a week.
David’s response to his grief seems incredibly insensitive and counter-intuitive. While the child was alive, David fasted and prayed. When the child died, David worshiped and returned to daily life. Does this mean David did not care about the death of his son? No. What kind of man would be indifferent to the loss of his child? What this does show is and intentional choice to continue living his life in spite of his loss. When asked about his response to the child’s death, he said “‘While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept, for I said, ‘Who knows whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?’ But now that he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me’” (2 Samuel 12:22-23). At first glance, this seems repulsive to one who is grieving. How can he just resume life like he didn’t just lose a child? I do not think David did not grieve for his son, but he clearly made a choice to continue living. While the Bible says David got up, dressed and ate, it does not say that David was not hurting while he was doing these things. David felt pain, but did not allow that pain to overtake every moment of his existence.
Some may also find it interesting that one of the first things David did, even before eating, was go to the temple to worship God. The Bible does not say, so we cannot know for certain, but I would easily believe David was angry with God. David prayed that God would have mercy and spare the child, but God chose not to. I also believe David was likely angry with himself. After all, this child’s life, and ultimately his death, was a direct result of David’s sin with Bathsheba. To counteract these potentially detrimental emotions, David went to worship God. David chose to redirect his attention towards the goodness of God, even when God didn’t feel so good. I don’t believe any of the actions immediately following the child’s death were easy or instinctual, but they were intentional. Like David, we also have the choice on how we respond to our grief. Will we allow it to consume our very being? Or will we, like David, choose to direct our focus to God and let Him help us heal while we continue to live the life we are given?
