Isolation
One of the most difficult aspects of grief can be the isolation. Especially if you lost someone very close, like a spouse or a child. Speaking from my experience in losing my husband, the time following his death was the most lonely and isolating season I have ever been through. Travis was involved in the most mundane of activities. Even trying to decide what to have for dinner was a painful reminder that I couldn’t ask him what he wanted. It is near impossible to describe the level of isolation felt in the depth of grief to those lucky enough to have never experienced it for themselves. I felt loneliness two-fold. I felt lonely without having Travis with me, but I felt even more lonely when I thought no one understood what I was going through.
Isolation and loneliness can be devastating. Anyone who has grieved is familiar with what loneliness feels like, but most are not aware of the detrimental effect it can have on the body. According to an epidemiologist at Newcastle University, those who experience loneliness are at higher risk of stroke or heart disease because “loneliness has been found to raise levels of stress, impede sleep, and in turn, harm the body.” Grievers like me can often feel the effects of loneliness, but may not know how to make it better. After all, I couldn’t bring Travis back. Maybe you are wondering the same thing I did: how long can I go on like this? The answer is, not very. Deep loneliness cannot be sustained for very long without some detrimental effects. Only problem is, how can we make it better?
Everything in me just wanted to bring Travis back, even though I knew that was impossible. So what can we do? We can’t fix the first half of loneliness (missing our lost loved one), so we have to focus on the latter half. Initially, I thought no one could possibly understand such profound grief. After all, no one around me had lost a spouse before. On a practical level, one of the best things you can do is find a support group to go to. You will be surrounded with people who get it, and trust me, that alone will make your isolation feel much smaller. But what about the quiet moments? The middle-of-the-night-can’t-sleep struggles when no one is available to talk to? You can have the greatest support system around, but there will always be times when they are not available to you. It is such a cliché (and if you’ve read my other blog posts, you know how much I hate clichés), but there is one who is always available.
Jesus is always available. To those who just rolled their eyes at me, stay with me for a minute. Yes, it sounds like an empty platitude and I hate those as much as you do. But hear me out. Who else can you call at 2 in the morning? Your support system likely has family and/or work responsibilities. Some might say, well even if He is available, He wouldn’t understand. That is were I adamantly disagree. The Bible literally calls Jesus a “man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). Additionally, there are several recorded moments when Jesus wept (and I’m sure many times that were not recorded). In Luke 19, Jesus wept over the prophesied fate of Jerusalem. In John 11, Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus. Hebrews 5:7 says “In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers… with loud cries and tears.” In the night prior to his crucifixion, Jesus wept over what he knew he had to do. The Bible makes it clear that Jesus felt every emotion that we do, including fear and grief. In addition to simply understanding, he wants to hear from us. We are not a burden to God; it’s actually the opposite. In Thessalonians 5, Paul instructs the church to “pray without ceasing.” Not only does God want to hear from you, but he understands the pain you are going through. He is the ultimate support person.
